Me and Maxwell

Nana and Maxwell

Maxwell came home last night from Canada for Christmas. He has been gone since July and I have missed him so much. Maxwell plays ice hockey for a Junior A team in Innisfil, Canada. Mom is bragging but he is one of the youngest players on the team and this week made the top 10 list for GMHL league. Maxwell will be 18 in March and has been playing hockey since he was four years old. Markie would dress him in goalie gear and shoot pucks at him when he was four. Half the time Max wouldn't even have all the protective gear on - that's brothers! Maxwell will graduate next year and our hopes are that the scouts, who are looking at him now, will consider a college scholarship or semi-pro. Mark and I have sacrifice raising our son so he could pursue his dream of playing hockey in college, semi-pro or the ultimate NHL. We are very proud of our son! He has become a determined, honest, hard working young man.

Nana was surprised tonight with a new oven for Christmas from me, Maryann, Joey and Kathy.

Merry Christmas Nana! We love you!

Our dear friend, Scott Ford put Nana's oven in for her. Thank you Scott!

Nana loves her new oven!

Maxwell helped with the big pipe wrench. Stick to hockey sticks, Max!!!

BIGGER THINGS TO WORRY ABOUT

Well today didn't go the way I thought but there are bigger things to worry about. Maxwell missed his flight in Toronto, Canada this morning because someone did not get him to the airport on time. We learn a lesson and that will not happen again. So the poor kid has been flying all over Canada to get home tonight. I'm so disappointed because I want to see him so bad. He has not seen me since my heart transplant and I know he is worried. I also made him his favorite dinner ham and scalloped potatoes and corn. Markie is coming over at ten o'clock to see his little brother and have dinner after pick up hockey. Maxwell wanted to play hockey tonight with all the big boys with Markie. He lands in San Francisco at 8:00PM and my dear friends Debbie and Gary are picking him up at the airport, so I don't have to drive down there. They are coming back from Los Angeles and will wait to pick up Maxwell. I was afraid I would miss taking my drugs till late and not have dinner, so they offered. That's what I'm talking about - there are bigger things to worry about. I am so lucky to have friends - no they were never friends - I have known them since I was 17 years old. Mark was in their wedding and Gary was in ours. I have worked for them for the past eleven years - so they are family!!!!!

I talked with Tippi today and she is going in for lab work tonight before we have our biopsy on the 23rd. She is anxious just like me. It is so hard when the time comes for heart biopsy because you don't want to reject. Its been a month since last biopsy for me and her, so we are really anxious. I did my lab work last week and all labs were great, including my cyclosporine court (stayed the same at 200). I took Decadron today and will be up all night - wires me. I feel pretty good right now, just cold. I'm sure its really cold outside but the drugs give me chills. So I have the fireplace going and sit under my electric blanket to keep warm. I'm watching my San Jose Sharks play and they just lost.

Tomorrow I'm going to the nail salon for manicure and hair waxing. I hate the waxing and I really hate the increase of hair growth - EVERYWHERE! Mom is taking me to Sally Hansen's on Friday to see if they have a face cream to use instead of wax cause the wax is peeling my face skin. It hurts! I asked Tippi to ask the lady who had her heart transplant two years ago what she uses for the hair growth. Like I said, there are bigger things to worry about.

I watch one of the talk shows today. I haven't done that in years. I listen to something that really meant something. Today with the world economy as it is, we are all suffering one way or another. Maybe losing our job, home, life savings. The woman said she did not have enough money to spend to buy gifts and decided to write letters to everyone for Christmas. She used beautiful stationary and envelopes to express what the season meant to her. I think that is a wonderful thing to do. I never cared for Christmas and one reason is the expense, stress, buying unnecessary gifts and so on. What a wonderful idea to express how one feels for the person receiving the letter. I'm sure it relieves stress on the receiver also not to have to buy a gift and spend money they don't have. Just a suggestion.

Mark took me to Kohl's last night to buy small things for the boys and Erin. It was crowded and the lines were all the way down the aisles. Of course, I had my mask on and a kind old lady asked if I was contagious. I said no and that I had a heart transplant almost 3 months ago. You should have seen the heads of everyone turn to look at me. They all said they have never known anyone who had a heart transplant and I said me either. Now I know lots! They kindly asked about my beautiful donor, in which, I told them her name is Jazmin and she is 18 years old. I told them to pray for her family and give them strength during this holiday season. I look at Jazmin's pictures all day and I know she is with me. My friend Karen told me yesterday and that's all I will say because alot of you know Karen is a medium, my very dear friend. She helped me to understand a very important issue that happened after my twin boys died. I carried something inside of me for the last 26 years and she got the answer from them. You have to believe and I do! Thank you Karen.

Well I guess I'm just rambling on but like my friend Suzann at work said, its good to journal to get things out. She's right it feels great.

Have a wonderful evening. I'm counting the moments until Maxwell comes home.

love,

Debbie

It's Saturday and where's the rain. The forecasters said we were going to get soaked with the big storm. It was such a beautiful day. The air was cool but the sun would pop out of the black clouds every so often. I didn't go out but watch the clouds roll by. The wind was strong and the leaves are everywhere. My Italian and Sicilian flags are blowing in the strong wind. It's that time of the year.

I put up a Christmas tree this week. Alot of you know that the Douglas Family always seems to find the biggest tree possible and gather all the neighbors to help bring it in. Not this year! This year is different. The heart transplant doctors felt a real tree inside would not be best for me. They felt the possibility of fungus or mold would not be good for the heart. So this year, my good friends Jane and Steve Bjork gave us one of their extra artificial trees. It is so cute. It is on a rotating stand and was so easy to decorate. I just stood there as it went around and decorated. Oh, and no outside lights this year either. Mark just felt this year we would take a break and enjoy the holiday without worrying about the lights going out. There's always next year! A lot of traditions kind of went sideways this year! I wasn't able to do my Gingerbread house or make cookies. There's always next year! This year will be different but I am blessed. I'm here!

Maxwell is coming home this Wednesday. We haven't seen him since July. I'm so excited to see him. Uncle Joey and I will pick him up at the airport. He's already asked for his favorite foods -lasagna and split pea soup. So I will be cooking lots while he is at home. We are going to Grandma Ruby's house for early Christmas dinner and the boys are going to the Shark game next Saturday. I'm so happy to spend time with Maxwell while he is at home. He can drive me around and I'll be able to get out a little. Markie's birthday is Wednesday and we will be celebrating his birthday on Friday. He wanted a little get together in the bar room for his birthday. It will be so great to have all my boys home together.

Mark went to the trailer today. We haven't been there since September. I hope it's still there! HAHA! The doctors will not let me go to the lake until Summer because of the trees, dirt, fungus and mold. Our trailer has a propane heater and doctors feel it's not healthy for me. So Mark and Scottie went up today and closed both trailers for the winter. We will be back before the Summer enjoying the lake, boating, visiting with our friends and just relaxing. I love my little trailer.

We are going to Scott and Carol Dolinsek's open house tonight. Scott and Carol were so kind while I was living at the hotel to feed Mark every Thursday night at their house. I haven't seen them since I've been home so I'm excited to see them tonight. I'm feeling just a little tired and weak today. I watched the movie Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants 2. What a cute movie! Find the meaning to the movie - it's amazing.

Tomorrow Mark is taking me to Costco. We need to stock up on meat. Then its Sunday football. Scott and Linda are staying for dinner and I'm making leg of lamb, roasted potatoes and carrots with Bearnaise sauce. YUM! Maybe the rain will come tomorrow. I'm looking forward to the rain. We need it.

My wish for all is to not stress during this holiday season. Think about what is important in your life. What do you value in your life. Spend time with family and friends making moments that take your breath away!

love,
Debbie

ONE WORD DESCRIBES THIS DAY - GRATEFUL

What does it feel like to be in a room with 30 heart transplant recipients ranging from transplant date of 1987 to October 31, 2008. One word - Grateful!!!

The word has such a strong meaning to me now. I am so grateful for the life I have been given to live and grateful to a beautiful family who gave me life.

What I saw today was people living their lives to the fullest. Each knows how close death was and realize how valuable life is. I can see it in the faces of each and every one of them. That is how I will live my life - to the fullest.

My dreams and goals for the future include more traveling. I want to go back to Sicily and knock on the family's door and speak italiano (parlare italiano). I want to sleep in a little village there and wake up the next morning and go to a small cafe and have caffe with the villagers. I want to see Washington DC, Yosemite, the liberty bell, The Lincoln Memorial, and Niagara Falls. I want to go to Toronto Canada to the Hockey Hall of Fame and then to Innisfil to see Maxwell play hockey. I want to see my first grandchild born and enjoy being a grandma.

When you are faced with a sudden illness, you begin to think about what is important. I now realize what is important - health, happiness and life. What is important in your life and what are you grateful for? Don't let a day go by wasted. Enjoy every moment in time!

Today was alot of fun! I saw Tippi, Kevin, John, Matt and Michael. All my heart transplant friends. We were treated to a catered lunch. Dr. Dana did the introductions and each of us were called one by one and presented with T-shirts from the heart transplant center. We took pictures with the heart transplant doctors and one big group picture. I was able to see Christine from Stanford, who took care of me after the heart transplant. This was the first time she had seen me since I left Stanford. It was a very happy meeting! I wish we could see our heart transplant surgeons again but what I'm told is that they are very busy. God bless them!

Dr. Dana also introduced us to two ladies from the Donor Procurement Center. I was able to talk to Lori after the meeting. She was overwhelmed by the contrast between her work with donor families and being with the heart transplant recipients. Donate Life was their message and they gave all of us wrist bands, key chains and book markers. They expressed that we are the ones who can pass the word to others about donation. Tell our stories and ask everyone to become a donor.

Every moment I spend with my heart transplant friends, the heart transplant doctors and nurses warms my new shared heart. They are miracle workers and God bless them.

Have a wonderful evening and enjoy every moment in time!

love,

debbie

WHAT A BUSY WEEKEND

My busy weekend started on Thursday night. I had a wonderful dinner with Gary, Debbie and Kathy Conley at John Ash. It was so great to see Kathy. Chef Tom came out and said hi. He was so concerned that I eat good things for my heart. He made sure my steak and everything I ate had little or no salt. It was a very nice evening.

Friday was a very special day. I was able to attend the client appreciation lunch at Tommy Toys. This is a very special day for my clients and alot of them take the entire day off to enjoy the seven course meal. Tommy Toys is a very famous San Francisco restaurant. Alot of you don't know what kind of work I do. I work for a commercial collection agency. I don't collect on medical or dental bills but for commercial accounts like food, beverage, radio, TV etc. My clients are mostly commercial large accounts such as San Francisco Chronicle, Youngs Market, Sysco Foodservice, US Foodservice and many more. The luncheon on Friday is for our clients to say thank you for the business during the year and for a holiday celebration. The meal is seven courses of Chinese French. I couldn't have alot of the courses because I can't have shell fish anymore. So I changed the menu. It was so good. I had five courses. My clients could not believe I was there and I knew how important it was to be there. I'm glad I went. I came home and crashed. I slept until 7:30PM and then Mark woke me up because I had to start dinner and take all my medicines. I slept really good last night too!

Today as usual I got up at 5:00AM and read the newspaper with Mark. I started my spaghetti sauce. Cousin Maria called and said her and Mike were coming up to visit. We had so much fun. Mike watched football with Mark in the bar room with the guys and Maria and I watched - Guess what! Sex in the City. They stayed for dinner and then had to leave. The weather was really bad outside - the fog was terrible. I was tired and went to bed so early and now its 1:00AM and I'm wide awake. I have a lot of trouble sleeping and going to bed so early didn't help. I'll play with my new lap top and hopefully get tired and go to sleep. I think I'll do some of my Italian lessons to pass the time.

I have asked my donor family if it would be ok to post a blog about Jazmin including pictures of her and her family. I want my family and friends to meet my angel. I'm writing a draft because I feel it is so important to be sure it is thoughtful and considerate of my donor family's feelings. So I don't want to rush. I'm so happy to have them in my life and can't wait to meet them personally.

I read Kevin's blog and he started the second chemo drug Valcade. Kevin received his heart transplant on 8-15-08, just about 6 weeks ahead of me. Therefore, starting the second chemo drug will be ok. I will talk to him today to see how it is going. I know the drug is given by infusion at least twice weekly, so I'll find out how he feels and what other side effects there are. I can not believe the side effects these drugs including all the heart medicines have. I had my face waxed entirely on Saturday to remove all the hair growth. It would be nice if the hair grew on your head and not on your face. HAHA! Well this is a small price to pay to have this second chance at life.

Well I think I'll play with my Italian tapes for a while and hopefully start to get sleepy. This week, I'll be going to the heart center on Tuesday for the support group meeting. I'm excited to see my heart transplant friends, doctors and nurses. It will be a big day!

Make moments in time that take your breath away! Give to others during this holiday season. Make a special moment in someone else's life. I have so many special moments to be thankful for and pray to God each day for the gifts I have in my life.

love,

debbie

WHAT'S BEEN GOING ON

Not much has been going on this week. Just trying to rest. On Sunday and Monday I felt some weird feelings in my legs and arms from the Decadron. Oh its on the list of side effects along with weight gain, mood swings, hair growth, soreness, swollen joints, headaches etc. I have them all! I spoke with Dr. Dana's nurse coordinator Sue yesterday and Dr. Dana has decided to wait until my next heart biopsy on December 23rd before starting the second chemo drug Valcade. I agree. I want my new shared heart to recover and that will be approximately 13 weeks out from transplant. Originally they said I would not start chemo for 3 months, so this will be perfect. I'm feeling great as for the heart. The side effects I'm feeling are from the drug Decadron (steroid). It is a terrible drug with so many side effects (as I listed above). I rode my stationary bike yesterday 45 minutes and did ball squats for 2 minutes. I'm hoping to increase the bike to 1 hour a day and the ball squats to 4 minutes. I felt great after exercising except I had a bad headache all day. Today it seems fine but I have been up since 3:30AM. The Decadron also wires you up - so not much sleep for the first few days after taking it.

Tonight I am having dinner with Gary, Debbie and Kathy Conley from Youngs Market. She is flying here from Los Angeles to visit me. We will have dinner at John Ash & Company. I called and asked Chef Tom to fix a special dinner for me (no salt) and also to be sitted away from the main dining room so I don't have to wear my mask all night through dinner. It will be the first time out for dinner. I will take pictures tonight and tomorrow at Tommy Toys in San Francisco. I am really looking forward to seeing all my clients tomorrow. It is a special day for them to acknowledge their continued business with Creditor's Trade Association and I do appreciate their business. Although it will be a long day, I am excited!

I also have something to share with everyone. My sister Kathy, as many of you have suggested I do, looked up on the Internet and found information about my donor and her family. I have known about them for weeks but felt out of respect and to be sure of the information I would wait until they contacted me. I did receive a call from the Donor Center who said someone from the family did call and received my letter but that they understandably are in deep mourning at this time but will contact me at a later time. I respect their wishes and it made me feel good to know they accepted my letter and know my feelings of gratitude. Since then Kathy has communicated with a friend of my donor. My donor's name is Jazmin. She is a beautiful 18 year. I have pictures of her and hope someday with the family's approval I would love to share her with all my friends and family. At this time, I want to respect their wishes and give them time to grieve. I promise I will honor Jazmin on this blog when the time is right. For now, please pray for my donor family and ask God to give them his blessings.

I don't have much going on except caring for myself and my new shared heart. I have a Heart Transplant Support Group Meeting in Santa Clara on December 9th. Gary, Debbie, Mom and I will be going. It is a BIG party celebrating everyone who has received a heart transplant and there will be about 250 people. They will present everyone by the number of days and years out from transplant to the group. So I will stand up when 11 weeks is called out. I will be able to see Kevin, Tippi, Phil, John, and all my other transplant friends who have helped me get through these last 4 months. It has been the most wonderful moments in time.

Have a wonderful day and enjoy each moment in time! I will post pictures this weekend of my party at Tommy Toys and dinner tonight at John Ash.

love,
debbie